People pleasing known as Sociotropy is defined by placing more value on relationships than independence.
People pleasers desire to make other people happy at the sake of their own need. While keeping others happy is a good thing, it can also result in negative feelings from resentment to stress and emotional fatigue.
People pleasers are often empathetic, attuned to others’ needs, and pursue close relationships with others. There is also a strong desire for external validation creating a need to avoid any type of conflict. They will go to the extreme to prevent displeasing other out of a strong fear of not be accepted.
The positive qualities of people pleasers include being kind, caring, empathic, and thoughtful. However, the negative qualities that arise include a tendency to take control, avoid conflict, low self-esteem and over achievement leading to exhaustion.
This can have harmful effects on self-esteem and self-worth. It can create a feeling of helplessness, resentment, depressions, anxiety, and avoidant disorders. It can lead to difficulty in relationships, stress, anger, disordered eating, low confidence, and lack of authenticity
Understanding people pleasing...
There is not one cause, as each unique person is a mix of what they learned growing up, individual experiences, genetics, long term trauma or traumatic experiences, family dynamics, and low self esteem.
What do I need to know?
If your people pleasing tendencies are making your life painful, unbearable or creating havoc with your relationships, it can be helpful to reach out to process your individual experiences. A trained therapist can help you to make sense of the confusion, help you learn to set boundaries, work through the barriers, prioritize your needs, uncover the deeper cause, and validate your successes along the way.
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